Topic: I dunno bout you,but I think it's funny!

When I was living in Wellingtown 2006,I bought my 1st Vespa GTS250 and it being such a nice day and being a bit of a skite,I decided to cruise round the waterfront where there are always heaps of people walking,where I thought I could show it off to the best effect.
Anyway down at Wakefield Quay there's this restaurant right on the wharf that was converted from an old coolstore (it's actually coldstore which sounds too much like coldsore and I didn't want to confuse you) and there's steps where you can get down to these concrete pontoon things,that are set up with tables and chairs where people can wine'n'dine and it being still lunchhour were all pretty much full,and I stopped there right above them,leaned my arms over the handlebars,patting the headlight with my hand,saying loudly enough to be heard,"Brand new todayee,Brand new todayee"!
The next day I went back down there,saying,"Brand new yesterday,Brand new yesterday"!
The next day when I went back down there,I saw one of the waiters having a smoke and told him what I'd been doing,but how I couldn't do that anymore,because it's second hand now!

One afternoon I was at this supermarket right close to Te Papa and I met this old couple and I told the old dude that he should buy a Vespa like mine,becos his lovelly wife would love to be seen sitting behind him on one,so wouldn't begrudge him spending the money for it,but if he was really wise,he'd let her drive it,(it being an automatic)so while she had 'her' hands busy,he could get 'his' hands busy,pretending to be her fantasy and wouldn't that be so much better,than hearing her scream "Oooh Steve,Steve" and you're not even!

Just a couple of days ago I told a mate of mine,that I woke up deciding that I was going to be a male mona today and I was looking for more things to moan about,because we're not allowed to be sexist anymore and I've actually heard women say that they've decided to be a bitch today and god help you if you just happen to the 1st male that crosses her path that morning!

Being a beneficiary with nothing much to do all day,the highlight of my day in Wellingtown,was rush hour,when I'd go thru the Vivian street tunnel on my Vespa and head out onto the motorway,where I'd start passing stalled traffic,after only a km or 2,and I'd look for drivers who had their window open,where I'd slow right down and talk to them,telling them how I'd have to go all the way to Melling before I could turn around,for my 2nd circuit and how I figured out that I would have to do a 3rd even,to waste $5 worth of petrol and where I'd often have to go past the same traffic again and again and again,because in all the time it took me to do it,they'd only have moved ahead just a few hundred metres and that some of them would even get to the stage where they'd start looking in their rear view mirror for me to come back round,because they'd be getting lonely with nobody else to talk to,and that on my way back in the opposite lane,when I was parallel with them,how I'd toot my horn and give them a big wave as I went by.That xmas I asked quite a few of them,"hey mate,what are you waiting for?Next xmas?"
I could justify it,by telling myself that none of them were 'really' Wellingtonians at all,but from the Hutt.They just call themselves Wellingtonians,because who ever heard of where they really live anyway?

Another day over the Xmas period (I was riding a Sym Voyager GT250 then) I'd parked up and was sitting on the grass by the wishing well,in Oriental Bay,when these 2 dudes turned up,1 on a Ninja and his mate on a Harley,who parked across the road on the pavement and got off,taking off their leather jackets,trying to act cool as and then going down onto the beach to watch the girls in the Netball competition,that was happening.
Well I've always wanted to upstage those sorts of people and so I got on my scooter and parked it right alongside this guy's Harley and what do you know,but except for the bit you could see thru the step through,when I took a photo you couldn't see the Harley behind it.
So I went up to the owner and showed him the shot I'd taken and I told him,that when he goes in to buy his next one to make sure he gets a bigger one!

One day I went up to this fella who was working outside and I told him how I'm on Invalid's Benefit and how I'd figured out that if I watched him and he worked real hard how I might even work up a bit of sweat and if he worked a little bit harder,how I might even be able to justify having a shower that night using a bit of hot water!

I started getting a spare tire round my middle when I broke my leg in 2006,so when I hobbled down to my doctors' on my crutches I asked him what he recommended I do and he told me "just get yourself out and do a bit of walking" and for the early melanoma on my nose to "just stay out of the sun" and at 1st I thought he was just being 'smart' at my expense,but in reality only I think like me,eh!

This other time I was siiting on this bench thing outside the Postshop in Courtney Place talking to an alcholic friend from the old days when I was still drinking,when this nice looking young thing walked up,wearing jeans and one of those short tops that left her middle bare and she puts one foot up on the bench to tie up her shoe lace and when she bends over,her knickers are visible right up her lower back and being a bit compulsive (alright just a little bit stoned) I str8 away said to her,'hey,I can see your pink knickers,' to which she said,'hmmph and that's all your ever going to see too' and walked off in a huff.So I asked my mate why she showed us her knickers anyway if she didn't want me to say anything about them and he didn't know.
So the very next fellas I saw walking up,I stopped them to ask them and it's like I'd said the magic words,because all these other guys suddenly appeared out of nowhere who wanted to tell me what they thought they knew about how women think and do you know what?That was a total waste of time,becos they didn't know what their one woman thinks!

I often see a fella sitting in his car twiddling his thumbs cos he's got nothing to do and I can tell str8 away that he's waiting for his woman and I'll tell him that you can spend the whole of your life waiting for the right woman to come along and I've been waiting 53 years now,so you can wait a long time,if you want to and then when you finally do meet her,you'll spend the rest of your life waiting for her.It'll be "I'll just be a second,just a minute,I'm only going in for that one thing and I'll be right back out." Yeah sure!

Another thing I like doing on my Vespa is when I'm going cruising out in the country,I'll sometimes see a cyclist and because my scooter's real quiet-like,I know if I slow down,that I can sneak right up behind them without their hearing me and as I get alongside them I go "Hello" and their handles start to wobble and some of them just about fall off!
I've told some that you'd think they'd have moved further forward:a bicycle really being just a step up from trainer wheels and I'd be back on one myself,if only I could do 5000 revs a minute up a hill,and (my Vespa being an automatic) to the fellas that you'd think,by their age,they'd know how to do this,cos it's all in the wrist movement anyway!

I truly am amazed by the fact that I'm still alive after 53 years,I've got such a cheeky mouth on me,but then,I was born in the chinese year of the monkey.