[Sparklechick]

I'm not sure exactly what defines love.

I feel that I am in love with Kall ... it's certainly more than infatuation - we're well past that. It's really hard to explain. I feel completely comfortable with him, when I think of him he makes me smile, when I'm away from him I feel lonely, I feel that I'm in touch with him physically and mentally.

Anyhow, I've probably grossed you guys all out so I'll finish now

What do you lot reckon about this statement....

Love is a state of being....

[MandJ]

whats love got to do with it........ well its something nice to finish up with but starting with friendship is a good way to start,good luck girls !!!! xxx

[tazjet]

Peaceful_n_lovin asked:

Or is it all about LUST and then Love tags around from there?

Well it is definitely not lust cos that's as common as the mud on my boots. The reason people crave love because it is everything that ain't common.

And love with a real soul mate is even more special, but if you have to ask i could no more describe it than teach you about life on Mars. haha

So read this and weep:

"He wishes for the cloths of Heaven"

Had I the heavens embroidered cloths
Enwrought with golden and silver light
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.

by W Byeats

Love si

[SMILEYROSE]

>>>Do you think a deep affection or fondness for a person could be love?<<<

Most certainly!

True love is all about respecting someone with a deep intense affection and also feeling a sexual passion for someone too. When you're in love with someone, it doesn't matter how far away you are from that person, your every thought is with them no matter what you are doing and not with anyone else. You can be doing something and all of a sudden something within triggers and sets off a memory and your thoughts are with the person you're in love with. Your only desire is to be with the one person you happen to be in love with and not to have a multitude of other lovers as well! It's all about respecting those we love the most.

I'm not sure if I've defined love all that well because it's not something I talk freely about with just anyone apart to the person i happen to love or be in love with.

Sometimes it can be difficult to tell those you really love just how we feel about them, but it's always advisable to tell them just the same because sometimes our busy lives can flash by us and we may never get the opportunity to tell that someone just how much we really care!

Tazjet, I love the poem you posted.

[tazjet]

Tazjet, I love the poem you posted.

Yeah me too... a mix of vulnerability and deep passion.

hey sorry all, shouldn't have said read this and weep. Being alone is awful lonely and that was not a nice thing for me to say. I meant it jockularly but it doesn't come accross that way.

When you are lonely it is so easy to be fooled what love is too. I really fell for a lady way down south a couple of years back. We seemed to click on every level. We could joke, spar intellectually, meet spiritually and all that on the same level. Even sex was fireworks, but either she wasn't being honest with me or somehow she changed her opinion and dumped me... Bang ...ouch

I just realised from that experience though that somewhere out there, there is someone who is my soulmate. We often settle for second best in life because we don't trust we can ever find that perfect mate, but when and if you ever do, all the wait will be worth it... Still you can't wait or life will pass you by huh?

[SMILEYROSE]

>>>>I just realised from that experience though that somewhere out there, there is someone who is my soulmate.<<<<

I agree, I think we all have a soulmate whether or not we ever find or meet our soulmates is an entirely different matter though! Some of us end up meeting and some of us never manage to find that one 'special' person....maybe not in this lifetime.

When you've been so used to sharing your life with someone, if a relationship then ends and after the love has gone you can then find yourself feeling alone or lonely because you begin to miss sharing your life with another. However as time goes on you can then become used to being on your own and the lonliness then becomes a thing of the past because you
learn to get by without a mate! Others may come and go but I guess we're all waiting for that one special person to come along.

Oh and I would never settle for second best but there's no harm in meeting others in the mean time whilst waiting for that certain someone in your life to come by! Life is short and we all have our needs.

[tazjet]

Yeah well we have to meet others and have experiences, because without them maybe we can't respond properly when we do meet the right person.

My marriage to someone who was the antithesis of a soulmate ended years ago, but the custody battle rolls on. Occasionally I get a chink of light into my lonely cell and meet someone, but not often.

some of us never manage to find that one 'special' person....maybe not in this lifetime.

Being a Buddhist I can relate to that. Sometimes the universe has a lesson to teach us that we can't learn from chocolates and flowers.

My suggestion is get out one or two nights each week to some form of club where you can meet the opposite sex socially. I don't mean night clubs. Just hobby type clubs.

[Cobra]

My marriage is dragging on. We have been married for 8 years now. For past 3 years, I cannot recall even a single happy moment in our marriage. I have thought about walking out many times.

I worry that few years down the lane; I would still be married and thinking what if I had given my love life an honest chance.

There is no rational explanation of this marriage to continue and yet it continues.

[tazjet]

There is no easy answer because any response will be wrong. I have in my lifetime been through two miserable long term relationships. I look back now and think with the wisdom of hindsight that I gave the best years of my life to the wrong people for the wrong reasons.

Leaving does not mean that overnight (or ever even) that you will be bombarded by dates. On the other hand if someone real comes along I wouldn't think twice if I were you. Harder for a woman with kids too.

So much to weigh up and only you can decide. Either choice has real problems.

[Cobra]

There is no easy answer to it. But I must get out of this hell. It just hurts to see your dreams shatter right in front of your eyes. I feel tired and beaten.

My problem is I care too much.

[tazjet]

... too much about everyone else except you.

I always stayed out of a mistaken sense of loyalty. Truth is the person you try to please dooesn't care or appreciate it. That's what i found.

[Cobra]

Yep, it has been pretty much story of my life.

I am that way in my professional life as well. It has hurt my career a bit.

But I am slowly realizing that I have to be loyal to myself first. Few years ago I would have dismissed this thought as being selfish but now they sort of appeal to me. I do not judge selfish and petty people too quickly these days.

Realizations in life they take circular turn.

[tazjet]

I do not judge selfish and petty people too quickly these days.

Well you don't need to be nasty to others to be kind to yourself. In Buddhism we have a concept of the middle path. Not being too good nor too bad, being generous of character, but not a sucker to others because we lack self esteem.

Learning self esteem is a big challenge in life. Some people go through life never doubting themselves, but they have as much character and personality as a watermelon. Hard on the outside and no substance on the inner.

Others of us have to struggle for acceptance and place in the sun much of our lives, so when we get older and we have put our own needs on hold for others to get approval and affection, we find we don't have much to show for it.

Work on yourself to build self esteem. Set boundaries for him and for you. Set limits on how much you will sacrifice and watch your thoughts. Arrest them when you find yourself caving in to anxiety to please others. Replace that bad habit with one of subtle strength. Don;t ask permission. Just do it but let conscience be your guide because becoming a bully yourself solves nothing.

In Buddhism we have a law called the mystic law, that like attracts like. As you grow out of your old personality and shed that old skin you will also shed relationships which are no longer relevant and you will attract someone right.

Just change within and the rest will happen by itself.

[SMILEYROSE]

>>>>>My suggestion is get out one or two nights each week to some form of club where you can meet the opposite sex socially. I don't mean night clubs. Just hobby type clubs.<<<<<

Well that's all very well if you're 'desperate' to meet someone else but you're not interested in the hobby you take up! What's the point?! I'm not confined to the four walls I live in and I do get out and about on a number of dates from time to time (although not met anyone I'm attracted to yet!) . I believe that if there is anyone out there then I'd much rather let fate take it's course. Besides, personally speaking it's much nicer to have a slightly different hobby to a partner sometimes anyway. In my past relationships I have not always dated guys that have the same interest as me and some of those relationships were just as successful as those that did share the same interests. It really makes little or no difference to be perfectly honest with you, it's all a matter of 'getting along' together well that makes the difference and feeling a certain attraction for eachother too.

>>>Buddhism<<<

When I mentioned that I may not meet my soulmate in this lifetime, I was meaning maybe I'll meet them when I get to heaven! Thanks for enlightening me though, I now know a little more about Buddhism.

[MandJ]

we all seem to find what we think is love and we go along with it. But then when we do find someone decent we think they aren't for real and we put them through hoops for the feelings we are going through. We do it to each other for they have been through it too. How do we stop doing this too each other, or we accept the little things they offer us, the offer of warmth or the companionship of there company. Its when you realise that it is more and that when they aren't around that you feel like something is missing. Do you take that chance and tell them or do you keep it to yourself. But if you don't want do you stand to loose........ them!!! For they too may be feeling the same as you too..........

[tazjet]

Hey Smiley Rose, sorry. Just relating it to what works for me. There are a thousand different paths to the top of the mountain.

As for hobbies, you need to circulate. Get yourself out there. Opportunity doesn't knock if you stay home and watch TV. God works in mysterious ways. Even the Bible talks about miracles, but God only helps those who help themselves. Have you given up on believing in miracles ?
I guarantee you if you make the effort to join some clubs, somewhere out there some guy just right for you will make the same effort. Just don't pick crochet knitting clubs ... please

[SMILEYROSE]

LOL I'm not really one that likes to join clubs just to meet guys though, I'm quite a homely person at heart and clubs don't really interest me in the slightest.

Meeting a guy isn't the be all and end all of things. It's nice to be in a relationship with someone but not to the point where meeting someone takes over my life. I'd much prefer to just continue being me and if I happen to meet a nice guy then I'm the lucky one, if not, well then I'm not so lucky. Besides it's not as if I've lead a sheltered life and never dated guys before, I even managed to marry one once! If God works in mysterious ways then I'll probably end up getting lucky at some stage, but I'm not going to worry about it I'll just go with the flow!

Just don't pick crochet knitting clubs

Erm that's something I may enjoy doing! LOL but as you say, there's not much hope of me meeting the guy of my dreams at a crochet knitting club!

[tazjet]

Participating here is one possibility too, but have a good think. It's not just for meeting guys that you should get out. It really expands your life to meet and mix even with other women. Never know. A girl you become friends with at knitting and crochet may just have a gorgeous lonely brother ?

[SMILEYROSE]

Have you given up on believing in miracles ?

Quite frankly, Y-E-S!

I'm really not that desperate to go out and meet guys! To be perfectly honest with you, when I've met other b/f's etc in the past it's just something that happened without the intention of going and trying to meet anyone. I don't want to meet any girls in particular, if I happen to meet anyone when I'm out and about then that's fine, but I don't go out to purposely meet anyone but I do end up chatting to lots of people usually as I have a friendly persona anyway!

I know you're trying to be helpful, but I'm really scared to meet guys as I don't think there is anyone out there that I can really relate to. I'm just a little different to others, that's all but I'm perfectly happy!

A girl you become friends with at knitting and crochet may just have a gorgeous lonely brother ?

Yeah, knowing my luck he'd probably be better at knitting than me even!