[Raine]

(just thought i'd post that in case there's any elligible lusties floating round here... muahahahha!)

but my question is should i get depressed or be happy for the good times we had and move on?

i kinda believe in what i call the "treehuggers philosophy" in that we can actually choose how we are going to feel about any given situation. i have a friend who disagrees about this philosophy with me, she feels the body chooses how we feel...i believe the mind can choose.

granted in extreme cases i think shock can affect those choices, but ultimately i think it's is our own choice to dwell on negative issues and let them affect us negatively.

so anyway i'm gutted about losing my man but my question above was rhetorical...i'm going to be happy, positive and move on. (don't spose anyone wants a root??? )

so what say you lot bout my philosophy?

[Penny]

*puts hand up as an elligible lustie*

Definitley be happy for the good times and move on. Obviously you can be gutted etc, but when it comes down to it, being depressed and speding hours/days/months/years dwelling on it is hours/days/months/years you miss out on in your life.

I watched my Mum long for my father for 10 years before she found someone else, and even now she is still has difficulty getting over it. Its just not worth mentioning Dad around her, whereas if she just got over it and moved on she would have been much happier etc sooner.

[Raine]

oh god that must have been hard for you. just wish people would believe there is light at the end of the tunnel. i think there is a time and place for grieving etc...just think some people put to much into that and it's stupid. (hence my friend is sad a lot...love her to pieces though)

then again i was once in the same situation...thought my life was over the other time i lost someone i really loved...dwelled on it and let the grief rule me for months...i'll never put my kids through that again. fcuk that shit...lol!

[Penny]

maybe its just one of those things that you learn from experience. or some people learn from experience, I don't believe my mother has learnt, and it was hard, but in the end, you just have to go: well Mums not happy but that doesn't mean she can make me not happy. And she has to accept that Dad is a part of my life and put up with it. We have found some kind of a happy medium now, not a large one but its working...

But yuo can learn from other peoples experiences and your own. I think the most important thing to remember is that if your still alive you ought to be happy, and nothing is that bad it can't be worked through.

And having good friends helps too! i have a friend that takes everythign to heart and worrys wayyyyyyyy too much, but I love her and try to support her as much as possible, I like to think I help her. I hope I do. (Sometimes she fustrates the hell out of me though!)

[Raine]

yep you're right about having good friends....i've got two and as fate would have it we're all not in the greatest of spaces right now. i just wish they could be more positive like me but try not to preach that one too much.

we're all there for each other though...it's so cool. i guess with issues like your mum has (had), you just have to make that choice not to let it affect you too much eh. do i detect a hint of parental alienation was tried?

[Penny]

Parental Alienation... I tried I moved from Wellington to here... she followed! My Brother and sister had the right idea, they moved to Australia lol.

Its alright I only see her every few weeks, shes ringing all the time at the moment cos I haven't spoken to her for two weeks, but I have been really busy, I usually try to talk to her every week or so, cos with all her issues shes still my Mum and I still love her

[Raine]

yea that's the thing eh. my dads mum has had issues all her life and the old bag is 92 and stilll not showing any signs of bloody dying...lol! but he's still a good faithful son to her.

she hated my mum cuz she was a maori...hates me cuz me and dad have a great relationship...yet adores my brother cuz him and dad hardly talk. silly old cow...has alienated a lot of her grandchildren when she could be surrounded by a lot of loving family in her dotage... *sigh*

[Penny]

I always wonder why these people alienate the people that that cloest to them in their lives. Don't they realise they are going to end up alone when they are old?

[Raine]

i actually think thats what robin does....but what would i know...according to him im a fruitloop. oh well...

[Penny]

ohhh a fruitloop... what made him think that? I mean you guys were engaged!

you would have thought he would have noticed earlier

[Raine]

he probably did. but he loved me so ignored that part of me. i told him it was there...

he can't handle it now...fair enough....at least i know.

[Penny]

he probably finding this quite hard then too...

[Raine]

nah he said he wasn't. said he was focused on work etc... what is that if not a big *flick* kissoff.

*not dwelling, not dwelling, not dwelling* lol!

[Penny]

ah that just means he doesn't want you to know how he is dealing with it... but then its always easier for the one doing the breaking up, as they have had time already to process and think about it.

[Raine]

lol! yea sneaky eh.

i hate games but even find myself playing them when you soooo don't mean to....stupit human nature! lol!

[Penny]

everyone does... the people that go "I hate peopel tha play games blah blah blah" particularly the ones that get obbsessed about telling you all about it... they are the biggest game players int eh world, thye just don't like it cos they don't like being beaten at it... lol

[Raine]

man kids can be cruel!
i texted my new "ex" this morning, asked if he wanted a root blah, blah, blah...etc...

got a text back an hour later saying: "how r u, i been thinking about you, ring me if you want to talk."

thought woohoo! he misses me! got all excited etc...only to find the text was from one of my mates.....aaaarrrrgh!!!!

so i was just telling my 14 yo son all about it and he laughed his fcuking arse off....unsympathetic little shit!

[Dun Juan]

:Llama:

[Raine]

don waaaan! don waaaan! gimme soma ya money honey so i can go bet more on the cruisaders...opps...i already won shitloads off them last nite eh. *smirk*

[shrub]

Is there something othe than "single"? I know people who aren't single, I sometimes find myself wondering what it's like not to single, and think I must try not being single oneday, then yet another of my not single friends becomes single and they are a mess for ages. Seems a bit silly to do something that fucks your life about so much, so I might avoid this "not single" lark.