[Sparklechick]

Anybody know any good ones to cheer me up.

Am feeling a bit down :crying:

[Penny]

just go and play barb jump... makes me laugh every time...

Or try this http://www.toilette-humor.com/cartoon.html I dunno if its your kinda things, but a little amusing...

[Penny]

>>Subject: mice and men...
>>
>>
>>In the bar
>>
>>A guy meets Danielle in a bar and asks, "May I buy you a drink?"
>>
>>"Okay, but it won't do you any good."
>>
>>A little later, he asks, "May I buy you another drink?"
>>
>>"Okay, but it won't do you any good."
>>He invites her up to his apartment and she replies, "Okay, but it won't do
>>you any good."
>>
>>They get to his apartment and he says, "You are the most beautiful thing I
>>have ever seen. I want you for my wife."
>>
>>Danielle says, "Oh, that's different. Send her in."

[Penny]

>>GONE FISHING
>>
>>Every Saturday morning he goes fishing. He gets up early and eager,
>>makes his lunch, hooks up his boat and off he goes...all day long. Well,
>>one Saturday morning he gets up early, dresses quietly, gets his lunch
>>made, puts on his long johns, grabs the dog and goes to the garage to
>>hookup his boat to the truck and down the driveway he goes.
>>
>>Coming out of his garage rain is pouring down; it is like a torrential
>>downpour. There is snow mixed in with the rain, and the wind is blowing
>>50 mph. Minutes later, he returns to the garage.
>>
>>He comes back into the house and turns the TV to the weather channel. He
>>finds it's going to be bad weather all day long, so he puts his boat
>>back in the garage, quietly undresses and slips back into bed. There he
>>cuddles up to his wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and
>>whispers, "The weather out there is terrible."
>>
>>To which she sleepily replies, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out
>>fishing in that shit?"

[Sparklechick]

Originally Posted by Penny

just go and play barb jump... makes me laugh every time...

Or try this http://www.toilette-humor.com/cartoon.html I dunno if its your kinda things, but a little amusing...

Access denied for that link unfortunately

... the fisherman one is pretty funny.

Thanks Penny.

[Penny]

I'll dig some more out for you, one of my friends sends them to me all the time, sometimes I read them sometimes I don't.


Don't Fart in Bed


This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for
years.
The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of
farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife
and the
smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.
Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off
because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it
was perfectly natural.

She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he
would Blow his guts out.
The years went by and he continued to rip them out!

Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for
dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had
put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts
and a
malicious thought came to her.

She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound
asleep and,
gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic
waistband of
his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting
which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic
footsteps as he ran into the bathroom.

The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor
laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got
him back pretty good.

About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his
bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as
she asked him what was the matter.

He said, "Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you."
"What do you mean?" asked his wife.
"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some
Vaseline, and
these two fingers, I think I got most of them back in."

[Sparklechick]

That's pretty gross.

Funny - but gross

[Penny]

hehehe yeah, bloody funny though.

[edshuck]

There was this old woodcutter that did not get to town often. One day he shows up at the hardware store with a couple of saws to get them sharpened and the teeth set.

He had known the owner for years. So the owner shows him a new chain saw. "Now this little beauty will triple your productivity. Try it for a week."

So a week later the woodcutter returns with the saw and explains that the damn thing is killing him. Productivity is way down.

"Come in the back and lets see what the problem is."

The merchant starts the saw and the woodcutter exclaims,"whats that noise".