[Sparklechick]

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with the females in your house about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.

4. High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep when you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Hit your thumb with a hammer, then you will forget about the toothache.

AND..... Sometimes we just need to remember what The Rules of Life
really are:
You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape.
If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40.
If it moves and shouldn't, use the duct tape.
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
If you woke up breathing, congratulations!
You have another chance!
And finally...be really good to your family and friends.
You never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan.

[Darkling]

Originally Posted by Sparklechick

You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape.
If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40.
If it moves and shouldn't, use the duct tape.

Men need only one tool, and it's not what you're thinking

A hammer!

If it doesn't move and it should, hit it with the hammer.
If it moves and shouldn't, hit it with the hammer.

[Nicholas]

Originally Posted by Sparklechick

And finally...be really good to your family and friends.
You never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan.

Shucks, and I was beginning to be a big believer in #3.

[NiteFenix]

Sounds like lots of fun *sadistic grin*

*starts going through the checklist, concentrating on stuff to do to other people*

[MarkyBear]

LMAO!!!


Excellent advice!!!

[Momma]

That was great!!!!! Very funny!

[KJM7]

That is hysterical.....thank you for the laugh.

And all along...I always believed duct tape was the answer to everything....live and learn.

[Sparklechick]