[purple]

please could you help!!!!
Hi i am 17 years old and really need some advice.Can you possibly offer me any advice on my situation/problem??
You see about 5 years ago now, my Grandmother of whom I was very close to died. she was like a
mother to me and i used to see her almost every day. however I just don't know how to
move on. I still really miss her. it's just i just don't know what to do anymore.
We had made so many plans of do together and i had made so many dreams of things i'd
do in the future(with her by my side). but now she's dead i just don't know what to do.
Should I carry on with these dreams/plans/ambitions i'd made when she was alive and had
planned to do together, .......or should i give up on them now she's dead and find some new
dreams instead.Do you t hink it would be insulting to her memory to just carry on with
these dreams.......only now without her? so you think she'd be offended?
What should I do? i just don't know what the right thing to do is.Is the RIGHT thing to do to give up on all the stuff we had planned to do together
.
. Also how can i say Goodbye to her . I never got a chance to speak to her before she died and i wasn't allowed to go to her funeral. I still feel like i desperately need to say goodbye to her? How can i do this? Do you have any suggestions? It's just I want to go to the crematorium to say goodbye to her and to say goodbye out loud by speaking or reading a letter or poem or something. Is this something a lot odf people do however? Or is this not normal? Would I get stared at? Do you have any other ideas as to how I can say goodbye to her. Someone suggested writing her a letter......but how on earth would she hear what I'd written and....what would I do with this letter anyway?How can i say goodbye?
Also I have two cousins who live in Germany, only they used to fly over to England each
year and stay at Grandma's house for a few weeks during the holidays. I used to see them
then. Grandma was the one thing connecting us. However now that Grandma's died I don't
know what to do about them. I haven't been in contact with them properly since my
Grandma died.they can't stay over here in England anymore because my mum doesn't
like them...so won't let them stay over with us. they have only over to England once for
two days since Grandma died(they had to stay in a local B&B).
What should i do about them? what is the right thing to do? what is expected of me and
what would Grandma have wanted? should i keep in touch/have kept in touch with my cousins after Grandma's death?
also i am
worried because I was having problems coping at shool (I refused to go on-and-off for my
first two years in high school as i didn't want to move on after the death of Grandma and
also could not deal with the death of someone else of whom i was close to and sort of lost
control of my life a bit...then i ended up refusing to go to school altogether at the end of
my second year and ended up with 5 measly hours of home tuition per week forthe last
three years which should have been spent in school. I them failed all my GCSEs apart
from getting a D/C in English. I know i made a terrible mistake and i can't believe what I've
done but at the time I wasn't thinking logically about what i was doing as i was in a state
of severe depression.)and if i contact my cousins again they're going to ask about what i'm
studying and I'll have to explain why I'm on a low level college course.I feel like i can't
contact them because how on earth can i explain how I failed all my GCSEs and wouldn't
go to school. They're going to think I'm a bad person. and i cannot conceal it from them as
they are really well educated and will notice the huge gaps in my knowledge just by
talking to me. What should i do about them? Should I .....never speak to them ever again/avoid them? or tell them what i did ? if so the what should I do if they think really really badly of me? Or should I....lie to them, and tell them that I passed my exams (this is what my parents want me to do) but they will be able to tell about my lack of education by my huge gaps in knowledge just by talking to me. What should I do about tham?
Also I don't think that i'll be able to visit Germany when i grow up since i am too uneducated...i don't know how to travel--or speak German.
.
Also(this is probably going to sound like a VERY strange question) but when Grandma was around she used to buy me lots of videos (especially Disney type ones) and I just wondered (i know i'm too old for them really but.....) would it have been insulting to her memory if I'd continued to watch this type of film after her death. Also....she bought me a lot of model horses/toys. What is the right thing to do with these? should I keep them or throw them away?Please could you offer me any advice ?

Also I missed practiacaly all of my secondary educationn... therefore I also missed Religious Education? I don't understand/get where my Grandma went? Do you know how i can learn about Religion now? Do they run R.E GCSE classes at college?
Also this might seem an obvious question (but just needed to check) but do they give a good all-round general education in R.E in school(sorry if this seems a stupid question)?? so if I had gone to school would I now understand where she might be?
I feel terriible...because i don't get where she is. what does the Bible/Christianity say Heaven is like by the way????I live in England.
By the way what happens to the ashes of a cremated person?? Do they bury them in one place or sprinkle them? if they sprinkle them at a crematorium then where do they sprinkle them ussually (someone told me Rosebushes!) is this true?
Also I wasn't allowed to attend her funeral and just out of curiosity wondered..what is a funeral for the cremated like? What happens? How are funerals for the cremated different from normal funerals? Do the cremated have funerals? I'm sorry...only I really just felt like I really do need to know this
Please can you help!!!!! PLEASE CAN ANYONE OFFER ME ANY ADVICE

[Dun Juan]

Im not an `expert' on this, but will suggest you say "Hello" to her again, before saying goodbye.
If you want an opinion of an `expert' try www.spiritualworkers.co.nz, New Zealand's Newest Interactive Online Spiritual Resource and Chat Site.
Alisha Woodhouse is a lady whom may be of some assistance to you.

[Sparklechick]

You should do what you feel is right. If you want to go to the crematorium and read a poem, then do it. Nobody will look at you strangely.

As for the relatives in Germany, I'd suggest either writing to them or emailing them and get in touch.

As for all the other stuff .... do what you want to do .... you don't need to ask advice on whether you should or shouldn't watch movies your Grandmother gave you ....

[SMILEYROSE]

I really feel for you Purple. I was absolutely devestated when my grandmother died and I took it extremely badly even though I wasn't living close to her at the time. We used to exchange letters on a regular basis, however I remember feeling totally distraught at the time.

I feel for my daughters right now because they are both currently living with their grand-mother and should anything happen to her I know my daughters will both suffer terribly. When their grand-father died, I remember my eldest bottling trying to bottle things up and one day I accidentally walked into her bedroom and I caught her crying and I'd never seen her look so upset before. I tried to console her but it took her some time for her to get over his death and my daughters were not living with him at the time and saw him very infrequently but were still both very upset, so I'm particularly worried about them now as should anything happen to their grand-mother I know they will take it extremely badly, probably far worse because they are both living with her now.

My only suggestion to you is for you to choose a quiet time when you are in bed at night and for you to say a little prayer then try remembering all of the good times you together. It will help ease the pain and in time things will become better, I promise you.