[Enalya]

Ive just had my heart broken by my boyfriend of 2 and a half years. He broke up with me, but claims he still wants to be friends. Im devistated by this and am wondering if it's possible to still be friends without falling back into the old ways.

[Sparklechick]

Hi Enalya

This is a tricky one. You will be feeling like your heart has been completely ripped out of your chest but believe me things will start getting easier.

As for the being friends bit ... as long as you set boundaries then I don't see why not. You need to let him know that being friends means just that, he can't manipulate your feelings so he can have a buddy that will give him the occassional shag because that will do you no good whatsoever.

Me personally, I've never stayed friends with ex-boyfriends. I like to move on completely with my life and it's worked out well for me. I know some people like to stay mates with the ex's and that's fine too but you need to work out what would work best for you.

I guess a lot would depend on why he broke up with you. If it's because he's seeing someone else then you wouldn't want someone like that as a friend would you?

I hope this has helped in some way.

I will say this though ... you don't NEED him as a friend. He broke your heart ... move on and find some better friends.

It took me until I was 28 and a few failed relationships under my belt before I found the most perfect man *smiles at Kall* and I've been in two 4-5 year relationships so believe me when I say all is not lost ... think positive and get ready for the next wonderful man who will enter your life

[Enalya]

Thanks Sparklechick...it seems he doesnt want to be friends anyway...I havent heard from him since THE email. And I dont think he was seeing any other girls...then again I cant really tell...he lives in South Carolina...I have a feeling Im not going to be seeing him again.
I thought he was the One, I guess I was wrong. I dont think I can feel for anyone the same way again. It just cant be possible to love someone more than I did him.

[Lina]

Hey Enalya,
That's what I thought when my 'Mr Right' broke up with me for his Ex....
They didn't last two weeks, and I nursed a broken heart for months... but ya' know what? It gets better. I've met an awesome guy who loves me for me, I feel relaxed and happy with him (Never had any of the 'Oh god, did I do something wrong?' moments, either - never on the edge of my seat waiting for it to end) and we've been together for 4 years now.
I know right now it's cold comfort and you don't want to hear the 'more fish in the sea' routine, but it's so true.
Take some time out, relax and enjoy being yourself for a while. When you do, the boys won't be able to stay away. Trust me!
Keep ya' chin up! xxLina

[Nas]

Originally Posted by Enalya

It just cant be possible to love someone more than I did him.

Hi Enalya,

You maybe won't love someone else more. But if you are kind to yourself now you will give yourself the chance to meet someone else you can love in a different, and who knows, possibly even a better way.

When you've finished washing your eyes, I bet the world looks brighter to you.

Hugs to ya

Nas

[Enalya]

thanks guys...Im just taking it one day at a time...doing different things to take my mind off it. Im sick to death of crying over it. Its not going to bring him back.

[Sparklechick]

Hey again Enalya

It definitely will get better. I think most of us have been through this situation and you always think that the world is going to end.

But you'll meet someone and they'll be wonderful and they'll be the right person - you may go through a few wrong people before you meet that Mr Right but eventually you will meet them.

In the meantime ... enjoy yourself .... spend time with yourself ... hang out with yourself and rediscover yourself ...

[Enalya]

things just arent good to us this past week. I found out this afternoon that one of my closest net friends is dying. I knew he had cancer, but hes taken a sudden nose dive and developed complications. Theyve even taken him off the pain meds, because theyve caused an infection which makes it worse. Im trying to figure out what the hell Ive done that is so wrong that I deserve this.

[Lina]

Enalya,
PLease don't think like that. Don't think I'm patronising you here either, but last year I had about 8 family members and friends die in one week.
Life sucks. Sometimes truly worse than others. Some days are bad, lots are worse, but more are better.

I got used to it, I won't say over it. It's been a while and I still think of that time with disbelief. (We had our car broken into twice, we had major water problems in our flat and things were very very bleak)
But it gets better. Trust me.
I'm 25, I have a great relationship and I have just bought my first home. Don't mock it either, I have come from the lowest of lows and I'm still here. I've come from a town with a very low socio-economic background (Right, Kall? ) and fought my way to betterness.

If I can do it, so can you. Just take each day as it comes. Breathe. Enjoy being you. Live a little!!!

Just never ever ever again think it's your fault, or blame yourself.

[Enalya]

I live in a caravan at the bottom of my 'rents place.

Anyhoo Im getting better...I got new glasses today, and seeing in 3d suddenly is awesome...you prolly need an explanation...with my old glasses, I was looking out (say at some trees and the skyline) and I knew there was distance between them, but my eyes didnt see it. coming home tonight I looked out of the car and...Oh My God...if I didnt know better, I would have said someone had slipped something into my milkshake. It was totally amazing! I could SEE the distance, and it was awesome...I felt like I was tripping or something. I can not convey just how much awesomeness it was. Needless to say, I love my new glasses ^_^ with magnetic sunnies

[Nas]

Hey that is great Enalya.

Your new glasses sound fantastic. Isn't it great the difference something can make?

One step at a time and you will get there.

[Enalya]

yep...Im doing pretty good. Joined a dating/find friends site...had a few emails about 10 minutes after signing up. Im not jumping into anything though...just friends for now ^_^

[Enalya]

hubba had hooo! HOT! Theres a guy on this site that looks like Vin Deisel! *falls over*

[Sparklechick]

Just a warning about some of those dating sites chick. Not everyone is as they seem so just be careful. In saying that there are also some very cool people on dating sites so enjoy

Glad to hear everything is going well for you ....

I remember when I first got glasses, (I was 8) I couldn't believe how nice everything looked. Being able to see the stars was the biggest difference though and totally blew my mind. They always looked like little blurs and then when I got my glasses they were all clear and sparkly. Very cool.

[Enalya]

Ill be careful...promise.
And glasses for people with eyesight like mine rock They also hide the shadows under my eyes

[Nas]

Enalya, any progress with the Vin Deisel guy?

[Enalya]

lol...no, he didnt even get back to me...but theres 3 guys on there I find interesting atm...one I even went to school with :P
Such a small world ^_^

[Nas]

Enalya, it sounds promising, please let us know how it goes.

But take care babe, I thought Mr LL ama Darcy was some sort of specialist lawyer when I first read his profile

I got that one wrong!

[Sparklechick]

I agree with the "be careful" warning.

I was "talking" to a guy off a dating site (pre Kall days) and it turns out he was a friend of my brothers from high school days. He wouldn't tell me exactly who he was, but I ended up figuring it out. I thought it would be cool to hook up (as friends) but he wanted more than that and then I found out he was married! I asked my brother one day about this guy and my bro told me that he was married and had kids!

I couldn't believe it. I sent a message to the guy saying he should be ashamed of himself and that he should delete his account from the site and spend some time with his wife and kids.

I don't want to put you off the dating site scene though chicky, Kall and I sort of met through a dating site and we're blissfully happy

[Nas]

Oooh, Sparkle, c'mon, what do you mean "sort of met through a dating site" ??

I have coffee ladies, now lets all sit down and have a good old natter