[Penny]

I'll dig some more out for you, one of my friends sends them to me all the time, sometimes I read them sometimes I don't.


Don't Fart in Bed


This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for
years.
The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of
farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife
and the
smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.
Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off
because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it
was perfectly natural.

She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he
would Blow his guts out.
The years went by and he continued to rip them out!

Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for
dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had
put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts
and a
malicious thought came to her.

She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound
asleep and,
gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic
waistband of
his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting
which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic
footsteps as he ran into the bathroom.

The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor
laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got
him back pretty good.

About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his
bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as
she asked him what was the matter.

He said, "Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you."
"What do you mean?" asked his wife.
"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some
Vaseline, and
these two fingers, I think I got most of them back in."