Topic: Need some help please

ok here goes:
My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for the past 3 years. We started with a **** buddy relationship after we both broke up with our partners (Me after a year with my ex and after 4years with his relationship, she broke up with him ). I do not talk to or have any contact with my ex. He has kept in contact with his as they have the same friends from high school, and see each other very often weather in a group or going out to lunch just the two of them. I see him basically every day and stay over. To be frank I clean, cook, and everything else i see that needs done ( It is just a way I show that I care about someone so I don't mind)
But his ex has just broken up with her boyfriend and is now asking if he still has feelings for her, suggesting that they go over seas together for a year.
He says that there is nothing going on, and I believe him. He says he loves me and there is no one else. He is the type of person that if he doesn't want to do something then he just won't do it. Or if he doesn't want to be with someone he will tell them straight up. But the thing is that he never brings me up in conversations with friends, when I am with him he will just say he is "busy". I have introduced him to everyone important in my life.
It is like he has one side of his life that involves only his ex and his old school mates, and then on the other side he has me. I feel like I am the only person in the relationship that is giving something to the relationship ( I have told him that). He has asked me what I want from him in the relationship, but my mind goes blank.
I am not wanting to break up with him, I want to give him another chance (as he is a guy that just doesn't get it) I know that he is not doing it to hurt me , just that in his head the connections don't connect with the relationship thing (and it never has).

How do I talk to him (with out sounding like a nagg)
How can I get him to feel relaxed enough to open up to me?
I want to give him a chance to open up to me, to realize I have needs too and at the moment they are not being met.
I was thinking about giving him a ultimatum saying that if he can not give me certain things then its over. But I don't want to do that ............I really do love him and he loves me (but just want him to prove it)
Please no stupid answers! Don't need them

Looks like you're in a bit of a sticky situation there Sarah. One that many people may be going through and no-one really knows how to answer.

If I was in your position (even though I am a bloke) I would say one thing you could try is to cook him up a really nice meal, well presented etc with candles and everything (the real romantic, old fashioned way) but don't put any pressure onto him. Then gently somewhere during the course of the night just ask him in conversation "How come you don't talk about me with your friends?".

Just an idea, as it's quite a hard question to answer.

Originally Posted by SarahHe

and see each other very often weather in a group or going out to lunch just the two of them.

Sorry, kid, I know it's not what you want to hear, but this shows disrespect and disloyalty to you and your relationship. Doesn't seem like he's that into you and the 'relationship' you share is more convenient than anything else.

I totally agree with you who are right below me.... i dont think that he loves you anymore.... this affair is the most difficult situation in love. Why dont you just let it go?? If he really loves you he is going to do something or anything which is related to you!!